


If I ever knew I loved you (it was then)

by keefling



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunions, Rough Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 08:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15927137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keefling/pseuds/keefling
Summary: “I watched you die,” Caleb said. “I buried you, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”





	If I ever knew I loved you (it was then)

**Author's Note:**

> #griefposting

Caleb lunged at Molly with uncertain intent; he was either going to kiss him or kill him.  In the second it took to reach the tiefling, it could have been either.  Caleb had begun to accept that Molly was gone.  He had allowed himself to imagine life without him.  He had been fine before he had met Mollymauk, and he would be fine once more after Molly died. 

Molly had  _ died.  _

Yet there he was, emerging from the forest treeline, his skin pale and his clothing bloody.  There were explanations far more logical than the second resurrection of Mollymauk Tealeaf: this was a ghost, an illusion, a hallucination.  Caleb half-expected to run right through him, but he seized fabric, textured and tangible under his fingers. 

With fists bunched in Molly’s dirty, tattered shirt, Caleb slammed Molly’s back into the nearest tree with a solid  _ thud _ and the hiss of breath being forced past clenched teeth.  

“ _ Scheisskerl, _ ” Caleb snarled, magic crackling on the surface of his skin, adrenaline stirring sickness in the pit of his stomach. 

The panic in Molly’s wide eyes told Caleb that he must have looked crazed.  It was a sign that he should slow down, collect himself, approach this reasonably—but Caleb, in the throes of grief, was teetering precariously on the familiar line between  _ alright _ and  _ absolutely fucking hysterical.  _

His body moved faster than his mind; by the time he realized what he was doing, he had pressed his lips to Molly’s with a bruising strength that could more accurately be described as an attack than a kiss. 

Molly stayed frozen in place even when Caleb bit his bottom lip with the intent to draw blood.  Caleb trembled in uncontained anger, tasting tangy iron as he licked the blood from Molly’s lip.  Perhaps this was a phantom sent to haunt him in the cruelest way, corporeal but unresponsive—but when Caleb began to pull away, Molly reached for him, grabbing his shoulders and sealing his mouth over Caleb’s, drawing him into a fiery exchange of tongue and teeth. 

Caleb fought his way past Molly’s tongue as it thrashed against his own.  He ran the tip over Molly’s teeth and growled when Molly nicked it with one sharp fang.  The taste of blood that flooded Caleb’s mouth only spurred him on.  He lashed his tongue against Molly’s palate and licked deeper into his mouth until their noses crushed together, making it impossible to breathe. 

Caleb grabbed a fistful of hair at the top of Molly’s head before he backed off, panting heavily against the tiefling’s swollen lips.  He wrenched Molly’s head back, ignoring the dull thud his skull made when it collided with the tree.  He was startled yet pleased to see Molly glaring back at him, red eyes alight with rage and confusion and, most importantly, recognition.  Caleb feared that he would see nothing, just a hollow stare from a man with no memories. 

“Mollymauk,” Caleb rasped.  The name tasted stale as it rolled off his bloody tongue.  Caleb’s eyes prickled when realized how much he had missed saying it. 

Molly laughed in short, voiceless breaths that quickly turned to shallow coughs.  He turned his head to spit blood onto the ground and squeezed Caleb’s shoulders with astounding strength for a man who looked half-dead.  

“Hello, Caleb,” Molly said, his voice hoarse from disuse.  “It’s good to see you.” 

Caleb softened after hearing his name.  The storm of fury that seized his body evaporated like steam, leaving him feeling weak and shaky.  He leaned against the tiefling’s chest, fearing that his knees would give out if he tried to stand on his own.  Caleb’s hand fell from Molly’s hair so he could secure both arms around Molly’s neck.  He dropped his weary head to Molly’s shoulder and began to cry. 

“You bastard,” Caleb hissed in between sobs, “You absolute fucking asshole.” 

Although his words were meant to push Molly away, he felt strong arms wrap around his waist and hold him close.  Gods, he had missed this, too.  The warmth of familiarity sunk deep into Caleb’s grief-chilled bones, flooding him with relief and making it hard to stay angry at Molly. 

“I watched you die,” Caleb said.  He felt Molly’s heart beat against his own chest, solid, steady, alive.  “You should not be here.  This is impossible.  I watched you die.” 

“I’m sorry,” Molly whispered softly in Caleb’s ear.  He began stroking Caleb’s hair, lightly scratching nails over his scalp.  Caleb took a deep breath, filling his lungs with notes of Molly’s scent, hidden under layers of earth and blood and sweat. 

“I buried you, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”  Caleb raised his head, blinking at Molly with desperate eyes that silently pleaded for an explanation.  

Molly shook his head.  He opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head again.  “You know more about that than I do,” he said. 

Of course there was no explanation.  There was no good reason why either of them should still be alive but when Molly kissed him, Caleb was glad that they were.  He kissed back gently this time, remembering the way that their lips fit together so perfectly.  Molly swiped his tongue over Caleb’s bottom lip and moaned softly when Caleb parted his lips to welcome it inside.  A new kind of heat rose in Caleb’s chest, not of rage but of desire. 

They kissed until Caleb’s lips were numb.  When Molly finally backed away and looked at Caleb, he was smiling.  “I can’t seem to stay dead, can I?” 

Caleb cupped Molly’s cheek and Molly leaned into it, nuzzling his palm the way he used to whenever Caleb would touch his face.  Caleb could not keep himself from smiling as well. 

“Mark my words, Mollymauk Tealeaf,” he said, gripping Molly by the jaw in one last passing attempt to sound threatening.  “If you ever die again, I will drag your soul back through all nine of the hells so that I may kill you myself.  Do you understand me?” 

Molly took Caleb’s hand and patiently kissed his knuckles one by one, lavishing them with the attention that Caleb had sorely missed. 

“Sounds like good a tantastic plan to me,” Molly said, eyes gleaming.  “When I find myself alone in hell, I will be waiting for you, my love, my light, my savior.” 

Caleb failed to keep his lips from twisting into a smirk.  Molly was back, and just as insufferable as ever. Caleb could not believe he had ever thought Molly’s banter could be anything but charming.  The hole that sudden loss had blown through the center of his heart had already begun to close. 

“You do not think I am serious?” Caleb argued for the sake of arguing, just to hear Molly’s voice quip back in reply. 

But Molly was silent.  Caleb followed Molly’s gaze over his own shoulder, squinting to see the rest of the party approaching from a distance. 

“If you don’t want our friends catching you with your tongue down a dead man’s throat, you might want to step away.  But if not, please, keep kissing me.” 

Caleb looked from Molly to the group, then back to Molly.  One week ago he would have stumbled away, stood an awkward distance away from Molly and avoided eye contact while their friends joined them.  But in that moment, all Caleb cared about was that Molly was back.  Molly was here.  Molly was alive. 

Caleb took Molly’s face between his hands and kissed him, eyes closed and open mouthed.  Vibrant hues blossomed behind his eyelids as the color that had been stolen from Caleb’s world was returned to him with every gentle brush of lips and tender caress of fingers.  He sighed contently against Molly’s lips, ignoring the various exclamations from their friends as they drew near. 

 


End file.
